I've been struggling with situational depression throughout the pandemic. When it's in full swing every day feels exactly the same - dull, gray, and lacking in any real meaning or motivation. I struggle to work. Art-ing is hard. I do my best but it doesn't get me very far.
During a particularly energized day I tried to make myself draw something. ANYTHING. I got the outlines done on a little self portrait and went to bed because it wiped me out. The next morning the unfinished drawing resembled an empty coloring book page, so I've spent most days since then adding what I can to the basic outline and stopping when I run out of steam.
I try to never repeat the same idea twice, which is often most of the battle. Sometimes I let whatever happens on a given day inform what I draw. Other times I'll scribble around with no goal in mind until my energy level or my circumstances make me stop.The story behind each drawing may not always be apparent to the viewer, but it's a visual shorthand for me for whatever was weighing on me the most that day. I'm finding that I can track how bad my depression is over time just by the way I make my marks.
This is the first set of 30. More to come as time goes on.
The first 30. Adobe Fresco with my iPad Pro and Apple Pencil, often tweaked in Adobe Illustrator with my Wacom Cintiq and my Macbook Pro for gradients and such.
DCB04092021_A and DCB04092021_C: Pre-breakup anticipation. I knew it was coming.
DCB04112021_A, DCB04122021_A, and DCB04132021_A: The breakup and the days that followed.
DCB04192021_A: Laser eyes just because.
DCB04222021_A, DCB04232021_A, and DCB04232021_B: Fully vaccinated, I went to New Orleans and suddenly the world seemed so big.
DCB05072021_A and 05082021_A: The first days back with a full classroom of in-person students (and a lot of nervous energy).
DCB05142021_A, DCB05172021_A, and 05202021_A: Adjusting to masks all day every day after a year of remote learning.
DCB05212021_A: An especially intense day of difficult, scary feelings after visiting my mom in the hospital.